Chapter 16
Raj felt Naina make a
choking sound and withdraw. He tightened his hold a fraction to prevent her
from moving away, and absorbed within him the tremor that coursed her body. As
he drew her inexorably closer to him, Naina froze, sucked in a maelstrom of
fear, abject agony, and sheer hopelessness along with a yearning so profound
and powerful that she thought she would happily drown in it. Raj loved her…Raj loved her….the words
resonated in her mind. Her heart rejoiced…and danced…and then a shudder rippled
through her as the reality pierced through, causing her to stumble back. It
couldn’t be. It could never be. What was she doing?
Naina found her hands
gripped in Raj’s as she looked at him in misery and confusion, “Raj,
please…don’t joke about this.”
“I am not joking,
Naina,” his deep voice was as honest as his eyes were, “I love y…”
“NO! You don’t. Don’t
say it. You just…you just are so mistaken.” In desperation, she tried to brush
it off, her eyes pools of grief, “Raj, I am your friend…the only friend here.
Obviously you are fond of me. But don’t misjudge those feelings as something
else. You…”
Raj clasped her
shoulders and halted her rant, bidding her to look at him, “Naina, stop. I know
what I am saying, and how I feel about you. I love you…in every manner a man
can love a woman. When I came to Palampur, I had no idea I could ever trust a
woman, leave alone love her…but you entered my heart and my life so fast that before
I realized you had become a part of my soul.” There was a calmness about him
that belied the turbulence that was raging inside Naina.
“Please Raj. Be
rational. You don’t know all about me.” She was pleading now.
“Then tell me Naina.
Trust me with yourself. I don’t know how you need me to help you, but I want
you to know that I am not going anywhere. I am not asking you to love me back
sweetheart. I will wait as long as it takes.” He stepped closer as Naina stood
numb and said gently, “Don’t you get it?”
“What?” She whispered.
He cradled her
beautiful face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers, “Making you
happy, seeing you smile, and keeping you safe has become a matter of
self-preservation. I don’t want anything else...at least not right now. You are
stuck with me, my love. I am not letting you go…ever.”
“Why me Raj? I am not
good enough for you. How do you know you are right?”
“Shhssh!! Sometimes
when something feels right, you just know. And I knew that night when we met
that I was a goner. It’s as if my life began anew in that very moment. There’s
not a moment in the day when you are not in my mind.”
“But Raj…I don’t love
you. I can never love you.” Lying through her teeth, she moved to the window,
praying for something…anything…that would make him change his mind. He was an
honorable man, heir to a legacy that was looked upon with admiration and
respect. People held his family in high esteem. Ranima was revered and adored
by everyone here. Naina looked at her hands, as if looking for some hidden
smears. Her tainted self could only bring disgrace to them.
“That’s because you are
scared Naina. You are scared to move on.” She was brought back from her self-castigation
by his soft voice. She turned as he neared, the limp hardly visible, yet there.
She stared at him and then turned her back again. “Dear God, forgive me for this?” She fisted her hands tightly in a
bid to gain strength for what she was going to do.
Taking a deep breath,
Naina turned and looked at Raj with a cold resolve, “No Raj. I am not scared of
love. But I do have my dream of a man….a physically perfect man. You see, the
man I married had a physical imperfection. After him, I promised myself that I
will never get involved with…with a di..disabled man. Sorry Raj. It’s not
personal. You are my friend and very dear to me. I respect you, but I cannot
bring myself to love you the way you want me to…I just cannot.”
“Hmm! So you cannot
love me because I am a cripple and not a whole man.” Naina flinched visibly
when he put it so bluntly
“Yes.” She lowered her
head and whispered, her eyes shut tight in shame and pain. At that moment she
hated herself to the core. She had targeted him where it hurt the most, and by
doing that she had surely killed all that connected them.
Lost in her melancholy,
Naina felt his fingers cup her chin and lift her face, “Look at me Naina.”
She shook her head and
tried to pull away.
“Naina!”
Fearfully, she opened
her eyes, bracing herself to look into his accusing and wounded eyes. Her eyes
widened a little when she saw his eyes twinkle with amusement and love, “Raj?”
“Nice try, my love. But
you don’t fool me…not one bit. You might keep a part of your past from me and a
few others might know more about what happened all those years back. But I
wager that I know you better than you know yourself…heart and soul. I know you
inside out Naina. I have told you I am letting myself in, even if you won’t let
me. So quit trying to push me away. Shall I tell you a secret of yours?”
“What secret?” In spite
of herself she couldn’t resist asking. She was completely taken aback by his
nonchalance. Anybody else would have taken offence at her cruel words. She
didn’t know whether to kiss him or shake him for his foolish tenacity for
trusting her so much.
“Oh, just that you love
me too.” He smiled and moved to the door.
“No, I don’t.”
“Yeah…yeah. Keep
denying to yourself if you have to, but I see the truth in your eyes. Plus there
is the other matter as well.” He paused with his hand on the door.
“What matter?” Now she
was parroting his words.
He leaned against the
door and kept a hand on his chest, “The fact that it’s not possible that I feel
such deep love and you don’t feel the same…It’s just not possible.”
Naina staggered, her
breathing fast and shallow. He had voiced her exact thoughts. It’s as if she
saw her soul accusing her from his eyes. Oh dear God! She was in trouble…deep
trouble.
****************************************
Raj straightened up to
leave, because if he didn’t, he would go across, grab her in his arms, and kiss
her till she gives in to her heart. His stubborn Naina…fighter to the last. For
some strong reason, she was fighting this…and he will find out why.
“Raj?” Her voice
quivered with apprehension, stopping him.
“Yes Naina?”
“I am sorry. I
shouldn’t have…. I mean I didn’t…”
“Forget it Naina. I
know you didn’t mean to. I also know how much it must have pained you to say
something like that.”
“Are we still friends?”
She voiced her misgiving, something so forlorn and naked reflecting in her eyes
that he wanted to hold her and hide her within himself. But he needed to
restrain. Naina was not ready yet.
He took a couple of
steps and stopped, “Of course, we are! Look Naina. I didn’t mean to rattle you
with disclosure of my feelings. It just happened. You are my forever…it’s that
simple. There’s nothing that I won’t do for you. Having said that, I assure you
that nothing will affect what we already share. OK?”
She nodded, “Thank you.
That means a lot to me Raj. I don’t want to lose my friend.”
“You won’t. I promise.”
He smiled gravely, “Naina, we both have scars from our past. The only
difference is I bear them on my body and yours are etched on your heart. You
taught me not to be ashamed of my disfigurement. Now I ask you not to be
ashamed of yours. Neither of us is perfect my love, but together we are exactly
that….perfect. Have faith. Believe in my love. I am not going anywhere.”
Raj inched closer. His
hand lifted to caress her face, his fingers lovingly stroking her brows down to
her flushed cheeks over her slightly parted lips, along her delicate jaw line
to her nape. Naina closed her eyes and savored his touch, a part of the
coldness in her heart diminishing like winter snow in spring thaw. Her eyes
flew open when he withdrew his hand and stepped back. A deep sense of loss
engulfed her.
Raj didn’t take his
eyes of hers. His chest tightened as he saw her soulful eyes staring at him
swirled with pain and sorrow, the stress of repressed emotions clearly visible.
“Naina, you need to rest awhile. I’ll be down in the living room working on my
laptop and making some calls. We’ll talk about Adi’s and your security after you
have napped. I’ll take you to the mahal later. Nanisa wanted you to take out
some silverware from the store for the party. She says you know about them as
you had packed them after they were used the last time. Pack an overnight bag
for Adi and beeji also. I’ll feel better if you all stay the night there.”
“OK.” She murmured, and
then, “Raj!”
“Yes Naina.”
“You won’t leave without
me.”
“Never.”
Raj checked on her after
twenty minutes to see her fast asleep clutching her family’s picture. He knelt
beside her bed and whispered, “You will soon have a family of your own Naina. I
promise. The four of us will make new memories.”
**************************************
In the next few days
Raj increased the security around beeji’s house and in the school as well. He
assigned a car with a driver and bodyguard for Adi to commute to school. He had
wanted all three of them to shift to the mahal indefinitely, but Naina refused.
“I am not going to be driven out of my home once again Raj. Don’t worry. I’ll
be careful. As long as we keep Adi’s identity from them, we are fine. They
cannot do anything to me here, away from their fiefdom.”
On Saturday morning Raj
waited for Naina in the library. She was due to arrive to oversee the final
décor for the party that night after her appointment with Dr. Sujata Sinha, the
psychiatrist with whom Naina had already had a few sessions. She had refused to
divulge anything about the sessions to anyone, not even beeji, and they
respected her privacy on the matter. Raj was worried and edgy, but he had to let
Naina know about Manmeet. He had asked his friends in the Intelligence to make inquiries regarding her husband and in-laws. Early morning there was a call
that Manmeet had taken a flight to Delhi last night. They were still trying to
find out where he went after he landed. Raj had called up the Palampur police
and told them to be on alert. They had promised they would look into all the
buses, taxis, and private cars that entered Palampur. He had mailed them
Manmeet’s picture that he had taken from Naina’s phone.
He got up to move
outside to check the lawn arrangements when his phone rang. It was Adi.
“Uncle!”
“Adi, hasn’t mumma come
to pick you up yet from the academy?”
“She will come at 11. I
called her. But her phone is switched off.” Raj looked at his watch. Ten
minutes to go. He heard a shuffle over the phone and then a soft “ouch.”
“Adi! What happened? You
OK?”
“I am fine. Just got
scratched by a thorn,” Adi was whispering now, “Uncle, that man is here again.
He is peeping through the gates.”
“Where are you?
“Behind the bush next
to the gate.”
“Where is the
watchman?”
“I saw him go to the
canteen, probably for tea. Uncle, I am sure the man is waiting for mumma.
Should I throw a stone at him?”
“No Adi. Don’t do
anything. You did right by calling me. Now go inside. Pronto. I am on my way. I’ll
reach before mumma does. Don’t worry.”
Raj was already pulling
out of the driveway as he made a call to the police station. Next he tried
Naina. But her phone was still switched off. Obviously she hadn’t remembered to
switch it on after her session.
Raj took the turn
toward the academy and saw Naina get down from her jeep. And then he saw a tall,
hefty man with the body of a wrestler cross over the road toward her. Raj
stepped on the accelerator in a bid to cover the last couple of hundred meters as
fast as possible. He parked the car and jumped out with a run, as he saw the
man say a few words to Naina before reaching for her arm.
“STOP! Don’t you dare
touch her.” Raj shouted.
The man looked
surprised and then he smirked as he looked who it was. He looked at Naina with
a sneer, “Look who is here. Your cripple lover trying to play the hero and
coming to save the damsel in distress.”
Naina stared right back
and scoffed, “You got the Hero part right. I suggest you make a run for it.”
“You have quite an acid
tongue for a woman. Thakur sahib will
enjoy cutting it off when you come back to the village.”
“I told you not to
touch her.” Raj had reached and was looking pointedly at where the man had
gripped Naina.
“Why? What will you do?
Break my hand.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“Big words mister.
Let’s see what a langda can do.” He
left Naina and pushed Raj with both hands. Raj took a step back. Before Naina
could shout “Raj” she saw a whirl of lightening moves and the man was down on
his back, holding his wrist and moaning, with Raj’s prosthetic foot pressed on
the crook of his neck.
As the man squirmed
below holding his broken wrist, Raj said calmly, “Stay still. It’s for your
good health. You stand to lose your voice if you move even a little.” The
police siren sounded as Raj looked at
Naina, who was leaning against her jeep
for support, “You OK Naina?”
Naina felt a wave of
emotions sweep over her as she saw Raj’s angry eyes turn to concern and love
the instant he looked at her. She hadn’t felt so protected in a long time. She nodded with a tremulous half smile.
The police reached them
the next moment and took over, requesting Raj and Naina to come to the station
later to lodge a formal complaint. As he was being handcuffed, the man turned
to Naina, “You did not heed my warning. Now be prepared for the consequences.”
*********************************
As the police dragged the
man away, Raj took Naina in his arms, rubbing her tensed back. Slowly, her arms
circled his waist and held him. After a long silence when they let their
heartbeats comfort each other, she mumbled against his chest, “Thank you.”
Raj spoke against her
hair, “I would have never forgiven myself if….”
Naina’s arms tightened instinctively
as she interjected to alleviate his tension, “I am fine Raj. The man was all
words…empty words. They don’t scare me.” She raised her head and leaned back, “I
have an idea.”
Raj released her but
kept a hand on the small of her back as they walked toward the gate of the
cricket academy, “What idea?”
“I think I should go to
the village and confront them…have a closure you know.”
“NO! Absolutely not.”
Raj stopped midstride and turned, “Promise me you won’t do any such thing
Naina.”
“But Raj, I cannot live
in a limbo like this. I realize I’ll have to take precautions. In fact I can
approach the law and get a restraining order or something.”
“Naina…No. For once,
don’t argue. Apart from roadside harassment and phone messages, there isn’t
enough to apply for a restraining order. Also, what if they trap you there and
make it look like an accident? You yourself said how they are the law there.
Who will believe you or anyone who accompanies you? No Naina, we can tackle
Manmeet better on our turf…here. We will have to wait for him to make a
mistake.”
“Manmeet?” Naina
clutched Raj’s shirt, “What are you not telling me Raj?”
Raj took her hands and
kissed her knuckles, “Naina, I was going to tell you when you got home, but….”
“Tell me what?” She
whispered, somehow knowing what he was going to say.
He told her about
Manmeet’s recent traveling, and concluded by voicing his apprehension, “Naina,
I believe Manmeet is on his way here.”
“Oh my God! Adi! Raj, that
man should not get to meet Adi at all.”
Naina jerked her head
as she heard a loud “mumma” and saw her son running toward her.
*******************************
*langda = lame; cripple
To
be continued……………..
