Wednesday 26 March 2014

Whispers of Spring.....Chapter 23




Chapter 23


“Why didn’t you leave? Why did you stay?” Naina’s voice quivered as she looked at Raj with a hint of confusion still lingering in her eyes. “Why?”

After lunch beeji had left for the mahal. The kids had to be taken to a birthday party. Raj and Naina had moved to the back veranda and were now sitting on the newly installed swing sofa overlooking the lush greenery of beeji’s vegetable garden and fruit trees. After the attack, Raj and beeji had discussed and changed the landscaping of the area. Hence, the shed was shifted to the farthest end of the garden and a small greenhouse was built in its place. From the swing, the shed couldn’t be seen. Naina understood and appreciated the great lengths they had gone to ensure that the reminder of that night did not hover in her mind, erasing the scene of crime of its existence. Ever since she was allowed mobility by the doctor, Naina had spent a lot of time here. The green soothed her, and if she lifted her eyes, the mountains beyond fenced out her insecurities.

Raj sighed and then smiled. If he had to assure her a thousand times, he would. He turned toward her and lovingly brushed away an errant lock from her cheek. He tried not to notice the slight tremor that passed through Naina at the soft touch or the way she closed her eyes and turned her head slightly. He knew the feeling very well. He was aware of it every time he was close to her. Every fiber of his being was attuned to her…to the underlying sea of passion between them. He had always known that even though her mind blocked it, she could not completely control her reactions to him…that this sizzling awareness touched her equally. Difference was she fought it with a fierceness, while he reveled in it. This was the final barrier. Raj understood that. Naina needed to be comfortable with her own self first…the physical scars still singeing her needed to be healed first. Only then will she feel comfortable with the attraction she felt and accept it.

He shifted closer and took her hands in his, “Naina, did you honestly believe that I would leave after you told me all that?”

Naina looked at him straight in the eyes and whispered, “Yes. I did. How can you even like someone who is so broken?”

“Sweetheart, I am deeply in love with each and every broken piece of you. I just want you to pause a while and understand that. Leaving has never been an option. If required, I would fight hell’s demons to come back, but I shall always come back to you. That first moment when you entered my life was when I began living again. I just couldn’t stay away from you after that. That night in the mahal, when you fought me, your protective instincts for Tanu made you look so strong that I was blown away. I lost a piece of my heart to you right then and there.”
“I am not strong Raj…though I always made myself believe that I was. The truth is I have been scared for years.”
“You are the bravest person I know, Naina. I shall never tire of saying so. If you were not, you wouldn’t have been able to find courage to make your escape from that hell-hole. Any other girl would have given up after such sustained period of torture. Giving up is the easiest thing to do. But to hold yourself together under the most adverse circumstances…Well, that’s true strength. You fought them and escaped all by yourself. That’s not the description of a weak soul. If that is not fearless and brave, I don’t know what is. Trust me…I know what I am saying.”

Naina got up and stood holding the railing, looking out at the mountains for a few moments before knotting her hands in a clinch and turning to Raj, “I didn’t…I couldn’t have…I mean I had someone help me escape.”
“Who?” He asked though he suspected who the person could have been.
“Bela. Manmeet’s wife. They had assigned her to pass me food and water after they locked me up. When I rebelled in those first days, they tried to break me by asking her to show me the various methods by which I will be tortured if I didn’t comply. They had a dungeon-type of room with all sorts of torture tools. There was a snake pit as well. It all seemed like the den of the villain of a cheap Hindi movie. I have always been mortally frightened of snakes. The hissing snakes in that pit scared me numb. So, when they drugged my food and then told me to eat till the last morsel or else, I was too shaken up to suspect the rationality of such an order or why the food tasted bitter.”

Raj inched across to stand next to her and placed his hands on her twisting ones. The warmth, the gentle touch, the feeling of safety associated with it all did wonders and Naina welcomed the sense of blissful peace that came with it. Raj took a deep breath and said, “Let’s do this another day, sweetheart. We can take this real slow.”

Naina shook her head, “A walking snail would be too fast if I let go now. I want you to know everything, and then I don’t want ever to think about it.” She gave him a tentative smile, wanting him to understand, and Raj’s heart constricted in his chest. He nodded. She threaded her fingers through his and spoke, holding his gaze, “There’s nothing much to tell. Bela turned out to be my silent ally. Since one of Manmeet’s goons would always accompany her when she came into the room, we learnt to communicate silently…through eyes or finger prods or hand squeezes. Having gone through similar harrowing experience herself, Bela sympathized with my plight. Yet, fighting back never occurred to her because she was a product of the same society, wherein the daughter-in-law has to blindly follow the dictates of her in-laws. Also, she had her family to consider who were from the same village. Manmeet would have wiped out her family if she had dared to show any dissent.”

Naina paused to look into Raj’s fathomless eyes. His only movement was to disengage a hand and brush the back of his knuckles over her cheek. Tears sprang to her eyes, and he flicked away a stray tear with his thumb. His gentle patience amazed her. He walked her back to the swing and sat her down. She reached out for him and pulled him next to her. She was not ready to let go of him. She looked down at his calloused hand for awhile…so much softness hidden within such roughness. She sighed and resumed, “After I tried to escape twice in spite of the drug, Manmeet kept me tied up in the chair in that room. I am not sure how many days or weeks I was a shackled captive. And then the fateful day arrived. That day the family were to go to another village for a wedding. Bela and one of Manmeet’s goons were left behind to keep an eye on me.”

That day’s events were etched in Naina’s mind. Manmeet’s father was out of town for the past two days. He was supposed to meet his family directly at the wedding. Bela had come in the morning with her food and had managed to slip a small knife between the chapatis for her. For two days she had managed to switch Naina’s drugged food with clean meals. Bela had decided that this was the right opportunity for Naina to escape. She had communicated to Naina to be on her guard.

After untying her hands for her to eat, Bela distracted the goon with inane conversation, thus allowing Naina the opportunity to tuck the knife into her petticoat at the back. After they left, she freed herself by cutting the ropes. She waited for Bela to come for her, but when the door opened, it was not Bela, but their father-in-law. He was surprised to see her unbound and standing straight; she had taken advantage of that momentary shock. She had pushed him with all her might and had run for the door, closing it behind her. She heard him get to his feet and shout her name when she reached the first step. Her bare feet pounded down the wooden stairs as she ran without looking back. Her hand barely touched the railing as she jumped steps and raced down in breakneck speed. Thinking back, she had wondered where the energy had come from after what her body had been put through. She had reached the last step when she heard him break the door and yell out her name. The very next moment she heard a loud scream, followed by a loud thud just a few feet away. She was stunned to immobility when she saw her abuser lying in a pool of blood. She looked up and found Bela running down and simultaneously gesturing her to leave. She saw the look on Bela’s face and knew.

“So it was Bela who pushed him.” Raj said quietly.

“Yes. From the top-floor railing, just when he had leaned over to shout at me. And while I stood frozen at the gory sight before me, it was she was who grabbed my hand and shoved me through the back door, urging me to run as she had seen through the top-floor window Manmeet’s vehicle coming up the drive. When I told her to come with me, she refused, saying she had to be here to protect her family. She said she will delay Manmeet in order to give me some time to make it to the woods.” Naina sniffed and lifted her eyes to his, “I owe her my life. Manmeet thought I had killed his father, and he didn’t waste time in coming after me. To cut a long story short, I was on the run for more than a day, and the closest that man came was when he started shooting at the general area where I was hiding and one of his spraying bullets found me. I managed to reach the highway before collapsing.”
“That’s where beeji found you.”
“Yes.”

Raj cupped her face and gently leaned forward to press a kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms around her, “Thank you Naina.”
“For what?” She could feel his heart beating against her hand through the soft linen of his shirt. Steady, hard, and strong. Just like he was. He was her fulcrum…the rock that steadied her, anchored her, when she lost her focus.
“For letting me in and for trusting me. You have no idea what this means to me.”
“I have to thank you, Raj…for being there when anyone else would have distanced.” She raised her head, “For believing in me and for showing me how to believe.”
“Thank you for letting me do that.”
“Thanks for staying with me.”
“Naina, Thank….”
“Err..Raj!”
“Hmm!”
“Are we playing thank you-thank you?”

Raj chuckled softly. At least her sense of humor was intact. Thank God for that. Throughout her narrations he was apprehensive how much damage her journey down the past would cause her, emotionally. He need not have worried so much. His Naina was strong. She might feel unsure of herself during weak moments, but she had no idea about the unique power she possessed…which is not allowing any weakness or fear to consume her psyche. She had the ability to overcome all kinds of obstacles, emotional or otherwise. In his arms, in their silence, he felt her relax, and, then, as the sun dipped behind the mountains, he sensed her even breathing and the heaviness of her body. She had fallen asleep. He held her to his heart for a few minutes, promising himself that he would never let her fall again….that he would always be there to catch her. She had put together his life when it had fallen completely apart, when he needed her the most. He would not rest till she was secure with her feelings and in their togetherness.
*******************************

Raj had just put Naina to bed, and was tucking her in when he heard the excited chatter of the kids downstairs, followed by pitter-patter of running feet up the stairs. Very gently he extricated his hand from Naina, smiling at the soft whimper of protest she made before settling. He closed the door and hurriedly walked across to block the mini hurricanes.
“Papa, look what I got as return gift.”
“Uncle, we had the bestest fun.”
“Yes, the bettets! And Adi bhaiya won two games.”
“Tanu also won a game uncle and we…”
“Shshhh!!!” Finally Raj managed to get a word in. “Quietly. Let’s go downstairs.”
“Oops!” Adi slammed a hand on Tanu’s mouth and the other on his, and whispered from behind it, “Is mumma sleeping?”

Raj nodded and ushered them down and asked them to go to beeji’s room. Beeji looked at him from the kitchen door, her eyes questioning.

Raj walked up to her, “She is fine beeji. Sleeping. All that talking drained her. I think we should let her sleep it out.”

Beeji looked relieved, “Thank God. I was so worried.” And then she sagged against him, sobbing quietly, “Oh God! Raj, what did they do to my baby? How could they?” Raj hugged her tightly and let her cry it out. He sat her at the coffee table in the kitchen and gave her water to drink. After she calmed somewhat, beeji stared up at his dark irises, registering the pain in their depth, and whispered, “How do you forget Raj? How does she forget?”

There had always been this understanding between them that could not be explained in mere words. Without being specific, they knew exactly what the other meant. Just as she knew now that if Naina had physically gone through the pain of the ordeal, Raj too had experienced equal pain with each word that Naina spoke. He had experienced Naina’s suffering in his soul, which would leave a mark in its core forever .

Raj curled his fingers over beeji’s, “She won’t, and neither will we. We’ll just find a way to live with this knowledge and go on from here. We have to learn from Naina. She has done it all these years. Hasn’t she?”
“Will she…will you…ever stop looking back?” For the first time since she had met Naina, beeji was on uncertain grounds. There’s nothing more helpless for a mother than to see her child suffer and not know how to make things easy for her.

Raj would have very much liked to respond to beeji’s question in the affirmative, but he was no liar. He was a soldier who only knew straight-talking, so he said softly, “I don’t know beeji. Honestly, I don’t. But I have faith. And I have hope. Time is the greatest healer, right? And whether Naina accepts it today or not, we are in this together. I do know for sure that we must not ever allude to this topic ever. We need to keep things as normal as they were before. Nothing has changed. If we are the same, Naina won’t overthink. Our love and her resilience will see us through.”

He leant and kissed beeji on the cheek and got up, “You go and freshen up. I have to go out for awhile. I’ll pick up Pizza on my way back. You don’t have to make dinner.”

Beeji followed him out of the kitchen, “Don’t bring too much. Mrs Behra had prepared too many snacks. The kids are stuffed. I doubt they’ll have anything tonight.”
*************************************

Dining Hall, Devisar Palace

“This is not fair Ranaji. You cannot take away my son’s rights and give it to that nomad army man.”

“Mind your tongue, Padmavati. Raj is my elder son. By tradition he is the rightful heir to the riyasat.”
“Bah! A son who was never there when you needed him. But my Kundanveer has always been in Devisar learning to be your successor.”

“Do not try to fool me. Just because I don’t question you does not mean that I don’t know what a wastrel Kundan has become. He does not have an iota of responsibility in his bones. No, Padmavati. I have made up my mind. Very soon I am going to get Raj back and hand him over his legacy. That is my last word on this topic.” Ranaji got up and threw down his napkin before striding out of the room toward his quarters.

Padmavati sat fuming for awhile. Then she got up and walked toward a life-size portrait of Raj in his uniform, which was recently placed next to his father’s portrait, in the opposite wall. She spoke softly, “I’ll never let you take away what is rightfully my son’s. I’ll do whatever has to be done to prevent you from coming here.”
**************************************


“Just one slice, beeji…please.”
“Are you sure Adi? You do get greedy where pizza is concerned. If you eat it on full stomach, you might get sick at night.”
“I have place for one thin slice. I won’t get sick. Promise.”
“OK. Go ahead. Just one thin slice. The rest you can have for breakfast tomorrow and even take in your tiffinbox. What about you Tanu?”
“I am not hungry, beeji. I’ll have it tomorrow.”
“Good girl. Now get into the bed. Adi will join you soon. Papa has finished his shower. He will tuck you in after today’s story.”
“Papa is already here.” Raj came in smelling of lemon and mint and clad in white Kurta-pajama, with Adi towing after him brushing his hands off the crumbs.
Raj settled between the two of them, “So, what story are we making today?”
“Not making, papa. Today you will tell us a story.” Tanu looked at her father adoringly.
“Me?? Whoa! Hold on young lady. That was not the deal. You know I can’t…”
“But papa…Kiran’s father told us a lion cub story today in the party. If he can, you can too.” Tanu’s face fell.
“Of course, uncle can.” Adi hated to see her sad. He looked pleadingly at Raj, “You can do anything uncle…even tell a story. Right beeji?”
“Right! You can’t get out of this Raj. Kids, just tell him what you want to hear. It’ll be easier for him to take up from there. I have to make a call to badima.”
Raj knew he was well and truly cornered this time, “Oh well! OK. I’ll try.”
“Yaay!” The two shouted in chorus.
Raj laughed and picked Tanu onto his lap with his left hand, and with the other he tucked Adi closer. “So, what do you want to hear?”
Adi gestured toward Tanu, “Tanu, you say.”
“Okay!” She smiled sweetly, “Papa, tell us a story about a princess.”
“A princess? Hmm!! Let’s see. ” Raj tapped his temple, cleared his throat, and began, “Once upon a time there was a man.”
“Just a man? Was he not a prince?” Tanu blinked at him.
“No. He was quite a normal, ordinary man. There was nothing special about him. But one moonlit night he met the most beautiful woman in the entire universe.”
“So, she was not odi…odi…”
“Ordinary.” Adi prompted without taking his eyes off Raj.
“No Tanu, there was nothing ordinary about her. She was pretty, charming, witty, and had the most gorgeous smile he had seen on anyone. Her eyes danced and twinkled when she spoke with him.”
“Like an angel?” Tanu sighed.
“Yes, like an angel. He couldn’t believe she was standing before him.”
“Err…uncle, what happened next?”
“What?”
“What happened after they met?” Adi was getting impatient.
“Oh yes, after they met…emm…they met again…and again….and”
“And?” Adi urged.
“And they became friends…yes...very good friends.”
“Was she a princess?” This time it was Tanu.
“Yes, sweety, she was a princess…the…emm…the Angel princess.”
“Did he kiss her?”
“Yes…almost. I mean he wanted to so much but…
“Uffo Tanu! Kissing/vissing happens in the end.”
The three of them turned to the door as they heard someone giggle, which soon turned into fits of laughter. Naina was leaning against the door, her entire body shaking with mirth.
“Mumma!!”
“Aunty!!”

Raj didn’t even register the fact that the kids had jumped from the bed and were now pulling Naina in, commanding her to complete the story. He was too busy staring at the lovely picture she made. She was truly amazing. After the day she had today, the last thing he expected was for her to come down and want to be with everyone. Yet, not only was she here, but she was actually laughing. His eyes drank in the pretty sight she made in her pink anarkali.

He got down from the bed to make way for them. His jaw twitched when she grinned at him, “Not bad Colonel. That was quite a beginning. Your princess is quite something!”
“Yes. She is.” He gave her a deep look and smiled sheepishly before walking toward the door, “I’ll put the pizza in the oven. Come soon.”


He was almost out of the door when Naina called out, “Hey Raj! Before I continue, I wanted to know something. How does your story end?”

He turned and looked at her, his eyes unambiguously expressing all the love and desire he held in his heart for her, “It doesn’t. It won’t ever. Even a lifetime will not be enough.”

*****************************************

To be continued…………


Friday 21 March 2014

Hello!!

Hi friends,

A belated Happy Holi to all of you. May your life become as colorful as the day symbolizes....and much more.  :)

I am sorry for being absent for so long. I had pulled a muscle in my right forearm. The doctor advised complete rest to my arm; and knowing the long hours I put up in front of my pc, he specifically asked me not to use the keyboard. Well, he might as well have ordered me to be handcuffed, because that's how it felt for the past week.:(   Anyway, I am fine now....and the first thing I am going to do is try to respond to all your wonderful comments to Chapter 22, and also begin writing CH 23.

Take care. Love you all.
Indu

Wednesday 12 March 2014

Whispers of Spring.....Chapter 22


Chapter 22



She was fisting the curtain with one hand. In the other hand she held her family’s picture. The deathly quietness of her voice chilled Raj and beeji. It vaguely occurred to Raj that she probably got the picture down to share something about them. But what she said stunned him. He never could have imagined that her abuser would have been so close to home. Her beautiful countenance held a deceptive calmness as she waited for them to say something, her visage giving away nothing. Only the whiteness of her knuckles that held the curtain gave away the extent of her distress. There was something dark and forlorn about her stance…almost defiant.

Beeji moved first. Her face contorted with the pain she felt for her daughter, she stumbled as she rushed toward Naina. Raj moved then, steadying her. She held out her trembling arms, “Oh Naina! My child…my child.” She couldn’t say anything more, only wanting to hold her daughter in her arms.

However, Naina evaded beeji’s embrace and held up her hand, stepping back a couple of steps, “No, beeji. No. Hear me out first and then decide whether I am worth touching or not.”

Beeji whispered, “What are you saying Naina? Don’t you know me beta? Nothing you say will make any difference in my love for you. Don’t say such things about yourself. You are worth all the sunshine lighting up this world.”

Raj felt beeji’s tears splatter on his hand, and a responding ache resonated in his heart. He squeezed beeji’s hand in silent communication and took a step forward, “Speak Naina. Unburden yourself. This silence has gone on long enough.” At her glazed look, he continued to talk normally, calmly, in an affection-laced tone, “We are in this together sweetheart. I will fight all the demons for you…the past, present, and whatever comes in the future…anything that hurts you. Just let this out of your chest. Don’t hold back.”

Naina walked slowly toward the living room window, and stood twisting her hands. She looked at them with a look that caused waves of pain to spread inside Raj like monsoon showers.

“I don’t know where to start,” she whispered.

Raj sat beeji on a sofa and walked up to Naina, till he was a couple of paces away, “Start by trusting us Naina.” When she looked out of the window without acknowledging him, he continued softly, “I know it is very difficult for you to trust me or anyone with the part of your life that hurt you the most. But Naina, I need to know, so that we ride out this storm together. Most importantly, I need you to know that nothing you say today will change how I feel about you or make me leave. Nothing will change.”

She looked at him then, “Don’t be so sure of the unknown Raj.”

“I am. Trust me. I am.” His tone held a resolve that didn’t go unnoticed by Naina. He locked her gaze with his, “I promise you I’ll be still here when you finish. You own me Naina. I love you with all of me. I am not going anywhere…in this life or beyond. Better get used to your Colonel being around you all the time.”

Naina stared into those beautiful eyes that were swimming with innumerable emotions as they looked at her. She wanted to believe…oh, how she wanted to believe. But she couldn’t. What after she bared all, he turned his back on her…or worse, what if he found her story so farfetched that he couldn’t believe her. It would devastate her completely, even though she was about to open the forbidden door expecting exactly that….Destruction. Naina knew that she was setting herself up for a heartbreak that would leave her with so many broken, scattered pieces that she wouldn’t even know where to begin to fit them together. There will not be any pretending…no more living in denial…no more pushing back memories that blocked the present. No. From now, reality will be as stark as it can get.

Naina looked at beeji who was still trembling in agony…her eyes red with silent tears. She wiped her face with her saree aanchal, and gave Naina a reassuring nod, “Raj is right Naina. Trust us, and I promise that the love we have for you will make all the shadows leave. No one outside this room will ever know what you say now. Raj and I will see you through this beta.”

Raj pulled a chair next to her, “Sit down Naina.”

She shook her head staring at the opposite wall, “I’d rather stand.”

He nodded and then waited with his back to the living room pillar. The air got thick with the silence…and they waited.

Naina gave a start as across the street the temple bell pealed. She turned and paced the floor and then stopped. With her gaze fixed somewhere between beeji and Raj, she started to speak, “I have already told you about my expectations when I married Manmeet. It didn’t matter who I married as long as I got justice for my parents and Milli. I wanted my uncle and aunt to pay for their crime. Dhariwals seemed a decent family. I presumed they would help me in getting justice.” She sighed and closed her eyes briefly, “I couldn’t have been more wrong. I found that out on my wedding night itself.”

She looked first at Raj and then beeji as if to gain some strength for what was to follow, “I was taken to Manmeet’s bedroom by the village ladies. After they left, I got down from the bed and looked around. I could not see the small bag I had packed for myself before the wedding ceremonies, which contained my essentials. I didn’t know whether I was supposed to go out or not. So, I stood near the window and waited. Hours went by. No one came. It was much past midnight when I thought what if my bag was in the cupboard. I needed to freshen up. I had just opened the cupboard when someone pulled me by the hair and threw me across the room. It was Manmeet. He reeked of alcohol. He slapped me a number of times and kept on asking how I dare touch his things. He said I had to be punished for what I had done. The more I tried to explain the more he beat me, till I kept quiet. I was dragged past my smirking in-laws who were standing outside the room, and were egging him on, to this room on the top floor. He threw me in and bolted the door from outside.”

Naina paused as a low growl of anger and grief escaped Raj, “Dear God! I am so sorry, Naina.” He wanted to pull her into his arms and not let go ever. It took all his self-control to stay where he was.

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. You were not there. You didn’t do anything. Besides this was just the beginning.” Her voice and body language were getting more and more detached. The more she put into words the events of her marriage, the more distant she became. It was as if she was folding herself inside layers and layers of protective shield, leaving behind just an outer shell to continue with the narration.

She continued in a monotone, not once looking at either of them, “It was a small room with low roof and a high window. It had a single bed in one corner and a wooden chair next to it. The chair was sealed to the floor. There was no other furnishing, not even a cupboard. A low-powered bulb was the only source of light. A door led to a small washroom. My bag was there on the bed. Thankfully it had the few clothes I had carried from my uncle’s house. I washed myself and changed and then sat on the bed. I must have slept toward the morning. When I woke, it was afternoon. No one had even bothered to give me a glass of water. I drank from the toilet tap. When the night came, I heard the door opening. I had braced myself to confront Manmeet. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I was not going to go down without a fight. If he didn’t let me go, I was going to escape…anyhow. However, I saw a woman entering with food. I couldn’t see her as her face was hidden behind her saree veil. She left the food on the table and turned to leave. I stopped her and questioned her as to where my husband was. She looked up then, and I saw pity in her eyes before she left, closing the door behind her. I knew then that I was a prisoner….just didn’t know why. I ate the food, because I needed the strength if I had to escape. There was no way I was going to stay in the marriage after what I was subjected to on my first day.”
“Was that woman Manmeet’s wife?” Beeji asked.
“Yes,” Naina nodded, “but I didn’t know then.”

After that she was silent for so long that beeji prompted, “Naina?”

“That night he came.”

“Manmeet?”

“That’s what I thought first. But it was not…. It was my father-in-law. He….” Her chin wobbled as for the first time since she started speaking as the pent-up emotions finally broke through the surface, seeking release. She took a deep breath and continued, “He came and just pushed me into the bed and tried to…. I screamed and tried to kick him away, but he was too strong. Even then I fought with all that I had. Luck favored me that night, as my groping hands found the brass thali (plate) on which my food was brought. I hit him as hard as I could. He cursed and punched me. My head banged against the bedpost and I lost consciousness. When I came to, I saw Manmeet and his mother.”

Naina shivered violently as the unguarded memories assaulted her soul over and over…the slaps, the punches, the abuses…too many to count. Raj couldn’t stand it any longer. Her pain twisted his guts in waves of agony, and he reached her in two long strides pulling her in a tight hug. For a brief moment she let herself feel his warmth and then she moved, untangling herself and stepping back.

Beeji also got up, “Naina, you don’t have to do this beta. It’s OK.”

Naina shook her head and whispered, “I have to.” She looked at Raj, “You need to hear all.”
He clenched his fists and nodded. Her words coming out in a rasp now, she spoke haltingly, “Manmeet told me haughtily that he had changed his mind and that he refused to touch me. His mother then took up from there. She said that they always abided by their son’s wishes. If he didn’t like me, then they won’t force him to share a bed with me. But since they needed Manmeet to become a father of a boy, who carried their bloodline, I had to sleep with Manmeet’s father. No one would know. Everyone would just assume that the boy was Manmeet’s. She spoke such crass words with such ease that I was shocked. I said, if that is the case, then all Manmeet had to do was divorce me and remarry. That’s when she said that Manmeet already had a wife, who too was childless. The only reason I was brought into the family was because they wanted a son from me. That’s when it struck me. I looked at Manmeet and asked him point blank whether the reason he would not touch me was because he was impotent. I knew I was right when he lost it completely and beat me mercilessly, till his mother held him back saying they needed my body in one piece. Then they left, with a warning that if I didn’t comply, they’d kill me. I realized then that Manmeet married me not only for a son but also to show to the world that he was a virile man.”

She paused, gathering her thoughts. The tense silence was broken as the clock struck the hour. Naina looked at beeji, “The kids? They’ll be home in half an hour.”

It was Raj who spoke, “Don’t worry. I have already passed on a message to Altaf chacha to take them to the mahal.” Raj was fighting an internal fury that he had never felt before in his life. The fact that she was treated so violently made him insanely angry. He knew without doubt that if Manmeet and his father were not already dead, he would have definitely killed them.

Naina was again silent for awhile. When she looked up, she deliberately held Raj’s gaze, “I fought the lecher’s advances the second night in a row, so they drugged me the following day. It was some kind of herbal drug, which they mixed with my food. It acted as a partial anesthetic and made me numb neck downward, but I could see, hear, and smell. That night, and subsequently for many nights, I was repeatedly raped, in so many different ways you cannot even imagine. That man was a pervert. I saw him doing all that to my body but could not do anything to save myself. I had never felt so helpless in my life. His breathing, his smell, the way he stared at me with lust will remain with me till the day I die. Whenever he touched me, I’d turn my head and look out at the hill I could see from the high window. I found a strange spiritual strength by looking at it…as if the hill was standing there as my sentinel, protecting my dying spirits, telling me I was not alone, helping me to stay alive for another day. I have only to close my eyes to remember each and every feature of that hill, something that is etched into my heart. That hill helped me escape the repugnant reality that my body was being subjected to.”

Tears fell down freely now as her body shook with each heinous memory. She searched Raj’s eyes, expecting to find revulsion and disgust…or at the very least anger, pity, and frustration. But instead she only saw love and tears for her and an emotion that was so unexpectedly profound in its expression that Naina couldn’t bring herself to fathom its depth in her present troubled state of mind. She couldn’t imagine what had brought upon such a look on his face…She certainly didn’t deserve it.

He wrapped his strong arms around her, and this time she didn’t protest. She was too baffled to move away. Raj didn’t make sense. His words when he spoke in a thick emotion-laden deep voice made no sense. So, she just stood stiffly in the circle of his arms and heard him speak the impossible, “I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. Naina, none of what happened has anything to do with who you are. You are the most incredible, beautiful, strong woman I have ever met. I am in awe of you every single moment of the day. If you thought you could ever push me away from you, then you are wrong. I am going to spend the rest of our life proving it to you. I am going to have my forever with you, sweetheart.” He put a finger under her chin and tilted it so that she could look at him. For the next few seconds he didn’t say anything. Instead he cupped her face and let his thumb caress her cheeks up and down, all the while gazing into her soul.

Naina suddenly felt weak…as if she was having an out-of-the-body experience. She had spent so many hours building up his reaction in her mind that he totally confused her with his gestures. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be out of the door the moment she uttered the R word. Yet he was still here, holding her, touching her…healing her. His unexpected behavior threw her off-kilter.

Still, the convictions that she had built in her mind for so long refused to loosen her insecurities. Ignoring the lump that rose in her throat, she whispered, “You don’t have to be gallant about this Raj. Your life is too precious. You can leave if you want to. I won’t mind at all.”

“I am here and I am not going anywhere. Get that into your stubborn head.” He pressed a kiss on her forehead. “You didn’t deserve any of it…not one second of it. They had no right to do this to a young, defenseless girl. Do you hear me? It was not your fault. None of it was.”

Raj’s hands stilled on her face when he heard the self-contempt in her voice as she said, “Yes. It was. I didn’t fight hard enough. I let them drug me. I let weakness take over me when they forced the drug on me after I refused to have the food. I should have been stronger. Instead I let that man use me like a cheap wh…”

Raj clamped a hand on her mouth, “Stop it! Just stop belittling yourself. I won’t allow it.” He cursed as tears streamed down her face.

She held his wrists as he wiped the tears away, “Let them be Raj. They help me breathe. Otherwise not a single day goes by when I don’t wish that I had suffocated to death under that man.”
“Oh God darling, don’t. Don’t ever say that. Not ever.” His voice choked as he bent, and he did the only thing that he could have done at the moment to make her feel loved. He held her head and softly kissed her. Then her eyes. Her cheeks. Her jawline. Her forehead. “Everything is going to be fine. Just have faith. Please.”

Naina felt beeji’s hand on her head, “He loves you Naina. Listen to what he is saying.”

Naina turned and hid her face in beeji’s neck. “Why beeji? Why can’t love be simple?”

Beeji rubbed her back with a hand around Naina and with the other brushed away the tears from Raj’s face who stood behind Naina, crying silently, “Love is never simple my child.”

“But why beeji? Why can’t it be? ”

“Because often enough we don’t appreciate something that comes to us easily. We take them for granted. That’s human nature. But when we fight for something, we ensure they stay with us forever.”

Naina recalled how beeji had fought for her…to get her resettled in life…to create happiness around her. She brought her here, gave her home, and made a family with her and Adi. It was complete acceptance by a person who was a stranger by all means. All because beeji believed. Can she believe too? Dare she believe too? Can she hope for a future with Raj?

Beeji kissed Naina’s cheek and said, “Naina, what is going in your heart and mind right now…whatever thoughts are crossing within you, those are what are going to stay with you forever.”

Naina pulled back and stared at her mother, “Beeji how do you know?”

“I am your mother. Trust me. This love is worth fighting for. More importantly, it’s worth fighting the demons that say that you are not worth it.”

A flicker of hope crossed her features, “Do you mean that?”

Beeji just opened her arms and pulled Raj in the embrace, “We both do.”

Naina felt Raj’s hand grip her back tightly as she curled into beeji’s bosom. Could she do it? She was tired of running away from her past. Not that it helped her any. The past found her in the end. It would have found her anytime. Because it never had gone away. It was always there…being part of her. It made her who she is. And if Raj and beeji believed in who she is now, can she not? How can she behave like a coward, if they were her greatest strengths? In their arms Naina knew what she had to do. At least what she knew she had to try to do…face her past, like today, and make peace with it…Accept it. Tough, but not impossible. She just had to take that leap of faith.
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To be continued………….