Sunday 16 February 2014

Whispers of Spring....Chapter 20



Chapter 20


“And this kissy is from Furry.” Small chubby arms encircling her neck, Naina received another hurt-soothing kiss by Tanu. “Your hurt will go away soon Naina Aunty. Right, Adi bhaiya?”
Adi nodded absentmindedly as he kept staring at his mother.

Naina looked at her son and then turned to Tanu, “Thank you little princess. Who needs medicines when I am getting so many sweet kisses to keep my hurt away? Don’t worry I’ll be fine and playing with you and Adi in no time.”
“And Furry too?”
“And Furry too. I promise. Tanu, will you do me a favor, child?”
Tanu’s head bobbed up and down. Naina whispered, “Will you go out for a few minutes with badima? I need to speak with Adi bhaiya alone.”
Naina looked over Tanu’s shoulders at Ranima and beeji who nodded at her with understanding. After they took Tanu away, Naina turned to Adi, “Come here Adi. Take off your sandals and lie down with me.”
“But you are hurt mumma.”
“Yes. I am. That’s why I need to hold you in my arms. I’ll be fine once I do.”

Adi climbed onto the bed and lay down carefully next to his mother, keeping his head on her shoulder and wrapping his arm around her as gently as he could. For long moments they stayed like that. Naina held her son close, unmindful of the pain in her chest as he sobbed quietly against her. His pain made her heart constrict a lot more painfully. Her eyes welled up but she willed them not to spill over as she spoke softly, “It’s OK Adi. Mumma is fine. This hurt will go away in a few days.”
Adi moved closer, finding peace in her sweet scent and feel of her beating heart as he whispered, “I was so scared when I saw you in the garden, mumma. There was so much blood. I thought you had…you….”
“Shhsh!! I’ll never leave you Adi. Never. Sometimes bad things happen but if one is brave and good, God sends help.”
“Like He sent Raj uncle?” He tilted his head to look at her.
“Yes. And also you. You are the real Hero Adi. If you had not called uncle, things might have been a lot worse. I am so proud of you. You are my little soldier prince from now on.” Naina smiled and pressed her lips on his forehead.
“And you are my brave mumma. You shot the bad man. I am also very proud of you.” He lifted his head, “Who was he mumma?”
“Just a bad man, Adi. Just a bad man. No one you have to want to know about. OK?”
Adi was quiet as he pondered.
“Adi? Tell me what you are thinking.”
“Mumma…(pause)…He called you by a different name. Nantra…something. Why? He seemed to know you.”

Naina closed her eyes briefly. Adi was too sharp. He would never forget the man who did this to his mother. He was much too protective of her ever since he was little. He would forever chew in his guilt that he couldn’t prevent her from getting hurt. She didn’t want that sort of thing harboring in her son’s conscience. She decided a little half truth won’t hurt but at least relieve Adi.

She shifted a little and looked at him, “You are right Adi. He did know me. He called me Nayantara. That is the name your nana-nani gave me.”
“How did he know your real name?”
“That’s because he knew me from many years ago, after nana-nani died, and I was still called by that name.”
“Why did he hurt you?”
“Umm! Adi, there are some people in this world who carry their anger for many many years. They think that they will be happy only when they have hurt the person who angered them.”
Adi ruminated for awhile. Then realizing something he looked at her, “Why was he angry with you?”
Naina expected this question. “He was angry because he wanted something from me, a very special treasure that God gave me, and I refused…and then I ran away to protect my treasure. He found out where I was after all these years and came to steal from me.”
“And you fought him, and you won. Wow! Mumma. You are the strongest mumma,” Adi sat up, his eyes twinkling. That’s when he noticed Raj, who had slipped in awhile back and was standing with his arms crossed and leaning against the widow at the far end. “Uncle, did you hear? Mumma is a lady soldier, right? She fought the bad man and won.”

Raj walked up to Adi, ruffled his hair, and said in a voice thick with emotion, “She is indeed son. Actually she is our very own warrior queen. She can face any battle and win it.” He looked at Naina who was staring at the ceiling, avoiding him, “Any battle. Your mother is not a quitter.” A solitary tear escaped her eye and made the long journey from her eye to the edge of her jaw and then lingered a beat before falling down her neck.

Raj’s heart twisted at seeing her like this. On the face of it she was being so brave and pragmatic for her son, assuaging his fears, all the while fighting a lonely battle of her own. Watching her somehow holding it together for all those who depended on her, he promised himself that he would have to increase the pace of his chasing to an urgent level. He needed her to trust him so much that she lets him into the darkest corner of her life…a place that she didn’t allow anyone in and which was sucking her into its darkness. This incident had cruelly ripped away the barely formed scabs on the wounds. Those wounds had been exposed again, but now it was time they were healed for good. She always did a good job of putting on a convincingly brave, indifferent front, but inside she was a girl who was yearning to be loved and understood unconditionally, to be promised never to be left alone even after her secret was out. He just had to make her believe.
*************************************************

One week later…..

Dr Sujata Sinha had to defer her visit for personal reasons. Raj finally got to meet her the day Naina was being discharged. He knocked on the door to her office and entered after he heard a “Come in please”. He was surprised when he saw a rather young woman sitting behind the desk. Hearing about her caliber and reputation, he had envisioned an older person. She was on phone and gestured for him to take a seat. Raj saw a blue-colored file with Sunaina Bhatia written on it on the desk.

Raj mouthed a ‘Good Morning’ before sitting down and she nodded with a smile. She finished her call and turned to Raj, “Good morning Colonel Rathore. Sorry about that. Due to the postponement of this visit, a lot of appointments have had to be rescheduled.”
“It’s OK Ma’am. I won’t take much of your time. Has Amar spoken with you?”
Dr Sujata tapped on Naina’s file, “Yes. We spoke last night.” She leant back on her chair and subjected Raj to a direct look, “He said you wanted to talk to me about Naina. I am sure you are aware of doctor-patient confidentiality. I cannot divulge the details of my sessions with Naina.”
“I understand Doctor. I just wanted to meet you and take some advice regarding Naina’s stubborn refusal to let me or beeji know what exactly is causing her to build walls around her. I can see how being so entombed in the memories of past is hurting her.”
Sujata thought for a second and then asked, “I want an honest answer when I ask you this Colonel. Why do you want to help her?”
Raj replied without hesitation, “Because I love her and want to see her happy…really happy.”
“And you think you can make her happy?”
“Yes, doctor. I can. I am in this for the long haul.”
“How long?”
“How about Forever.”
“Hmm!” Sujata nodded speculatively, “All that’s very good for you to say and for me to hear Colonel. But why do you feel she needs help. Naina is a strong girl, even though she carries around some broken parts within her. She is living a good life in spite of everything, isn’t she?”

Raj put his palms on the desk and narrowed his eyes, frustration writ large on them, “You think she is living? Is that what your diagnosis is? I am sorry if you think so Doc. You are wrong. Naina is only existing. She exists for her son and people she loves. She exists to protect them from herself…from her pain. She will start living the day she conquers all her demons and moves on….the day she starts to live for herself as well. Today she is afraid and guilty of those unspoken fears. I want to make her unafraid and make her want to live…and not just exist. I can only do so if I know what is eating her inside.”

Sujata scrutinized Raj briefly and sighed, “Calm down Colonel. You have convinced me. Naina has spoken about you. She definitely has feelings for you, though she would not admit it. I can only say at this point that she trusts you implicitly, yet she is afraid of losing that trust. I can see how passionate you are about her. If anyone can make Naina speak up, it’s you. Don’t give up on her. She is expecting you to back off at some point. Assure her that you won’t.”
Raj relaxed, “Sorry about that Doc. I didn’t mean to doubt your proficiency. I am just so worried for her. She keeps pushing me away.”
“She will do that Colonel. You said it yourself. She is protecting you from herself.”
“But why? Hasn’t she given you any clue?”
“No. She clams up the moment I broach nearer the truth. Of course, I can always try hypnotherapy with her and get the answers. But I don’t want to go to that extreme at this stage of her treatment, especially since she has never shown any weaknesses in dealing with her life.”
“What kind of weaknesses?”
“Extreme ones Colonel…for instance, going into depression, being suicidal, or just being irrationally emotional and obsessive about her son. I have seen cases where patients who have experienced much less pain than her have broken completely and caused harm to themselves. Naina refuses to give up and instead has channelized her grief constructively. So far her only motivation in going through day-to-day life was to ensure to keep her son away from her husband and just lead a normal life for everyone’s sake. With her husband’s death at least that threat is over.”

Raj nodded, “Yes. I had thought with Manmeet gone, all would be fine. But she has withdrawn even more. That man really did a number on her. No wonder she refuses to acknowledge him as Adi’s father.”
Dr Sujata was suddenly on alert, “When did she say that?”
“She says it whenever Manmeet’s name comes up in Adi’s context. She was angry with the police too for even suggesting Manmeet was after Adi because he wanted his son with him.”
“Can you remember her exact words?”
“Certainly. She said, ‘Adi is my son. That man was not the father.’ ” Raj blinked almost as soon as he said that and stood up slowly, shocked as Sujata stared at him, “Oh my God! Are you implying Manmeet did not sire Adi? Then who is Adi’s father?”

Dr Sujata’s face turned grim as she observed, “I have suspected that since the last time I spoke with her. She was adamant that Manmeet was not Adi’s father when I asked her to speak about her husband. We all have seem to have misconstrued her words as spoken out of her need to alienate Adi from her husband. I am fairly certain now that Naina has been inadvertently spelling out the truth. If she has maintained that all along, then it is because what she says is the truth and not just an outburst borne out of her hatred. Adi’s conception is the crucial fact Naina is hiding. Maybe she had an affair when she was married.”
“NO.” Raj denied hotly, “My Naina is not that type of person. She is the most loyal person I know.”
“I agree Colonel. However, in that disclosure lies Naina’s chances of complete healing. If she had not had an affair, then the only other alternative reason could be that she was physically abused, which would make it clear why she feels that she has to keep away from getting into a romantic relationship.”

Raj sat down with a thud. Keeping his elbows on the desk, he buried his face in his hands. When he looked up, Sujata was stunned to muteness at the tortured expression on his face, “Help her doctor,” he whispered, “Help my Naina. Tell me what to do.” He had never felt as helpless as at that moment of realization. Who hurt his beautiful Naina? Why was no one there to protect her?

Sujata got up and walked around her desk to his chair. She kept a hand on his shoulder and said, “This is not the time to break down Colonel. You need to be strong for her. She needs you.”
“What should I do? Once she goes home, she will try her best to stay away. I know her too well.”
“Then stick around. Be within her proximity as much as you can. Show her that you are not going anywhere even though she appears to want that. Just be there for her. I am sure your resolve and constant presence will force her to reevaluate her concerns regarding your expected reactions. Maybe, then, she will trust you enough to tell you everything.”
***************************************

“Thanks for the Chinese lunch Raj. I appreciate the effort. I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I do a passable job. Glad you liked it. I have something to finish off this special outing. Kids will have their share in the evening. I wanted you to be the first one to try.” He reached behind his chair and picked up a small basket and held it out to her, “Here, pick one.”
She saw small foil-wrapped pieces. “What are they?”
“Cookies. To be precise, fortune cookies.”
Naina’s eyes widened, “You are kidding me. No one makes Chinese fortune cookies in Palampur. Where did you get them from?”
Raj rolled his eyes and kept a hand on his heart, “I am deeply hurt sweetheart. Even after a wholesome lunch, you still doubt my capabilities.”
“You made them? You sure are a man of many talents. I am impressed, Colonel.”
“Thanks. I try. Don’t they say that the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach?”
She smiled, “You got that in reverse.” Reaching out she picked one and unwrapped the cookie. She looked up and saw him waiting. He gestured at her with his fingers to break it open. She broke the cookie in half and took out a small slip of paper. She read it and bit her lip.
“What does it say Naina?” When she didn’t say anything, he took it from her fingers and read aloud, “The love you fight for is the love that can mend bridges, heal scars, and open closed hearts.”
Raj looked up at Naina, but she was staring at the flowers, “The garden is looking good. Beeji’s hard work is bearing fruits.”
“Flowers you mean,” Raj smiled. “Spring is here Naina. Smell it. Welcome it. Embrace it. Open your heart to it.”
Naina shook her head slightly and dipped her head to stare at her palms. When she spoke, it was to say, “You don’t need to stay here. Don’t you have a tea estate meeting to go to?”
Naina was home for a week and gaining strength by the day. The swelling on her face had gone, and the bruises had become lighter. Since the day before, she had begun working on the files Nancy had sent for her perusal. Nancy was doing a wonderful job of running the school in her absence.

Raj was always in beeji’s house. He would come around breakfast after dropping Tanu off to school and stay on through the day, doing his work through laptop and phone. Altaf mian would pick Tanu and take her to beeji’s. They would only leave to go home after dinner. If Naina asked him to leave, which she did often, he would just move his presence out of her sight. Sitting in her room she would hear him talking to beeji or playing with the kids or running some errand for beeji. Ranima visited her daily. Two days back she had gone to Shimla for a marriage.

Today Raj had cooked Chinese lunch with beeji’s help for everyone in celebration for Naina’s first day out of the house into the lawns. She had insisted on walking on her own to her seat under the garden umbrella for an in-house picnic. Adi and Tanu held her hands on both side of her, guiding her. Raj had arranged for a comfortable recliner for her. After the meal beeji had taken the kids inside for a nap. Naina wanted to stay out for some more time. She and Raj had fallen back to their familiar banter, and that made her feel comfortable…almost. Till she read the proverb in the cookie. The words were much too close to home…enough to make her remember about her resolve to maintain distance from Raj, so she dismissed him and his addictive presence rudely.

But Raj had his own resolve to keep. “I took care of the meeting through videoconferencing. I am free for the rest of the day. Are you comfortable? Should I get another pillow?”
“I am fine Raj. Why are you still here?”
“Because I want to.”
“Why Raj?”
“Why what sweetheart?”
“Why aren’t you running away from a messed-up person like me?”
Raj knelt beside her, “You know why Naina. You have been to hell and back and yet you are in one piece. Just looking at you fills my heart with wonder and pride and so much love that my heart just swells.”
“I am not in one piece Raj.”
“I disagree. You are here on this sunny day, making it brighter and sunnier with your sheer presence. You never gave up. You are here for Adi, for beeji, for Tanu, and for me and for everyone you care about. I would be a moron to run away from such brilliance. Why wouldn’t I want to be here? Here has you in it….period. That’s good enough reason for me.”
Naina swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, “Please try to understand Raj. I am very confused. I don’t know how to let you stay and keep you away at the same time.”
Raj took her hand and kept her palm on his cheek, “Why do you want me away Naina?”
“Because I cannot hurt you by letting you in. Raj, there are things in my life you need to stay away from. Why can’t you take my word for it? I can’t tell you more explicitly.”
“And I won’t ask you. If it’s only friendship I get, I’ll take it. I would never cross the line by insisting you spell out your problem.”
“Oh Raj! How am I going to make you go away?”
“You can’t. Not in the way you want me to.”
“Raj, I am too far gone. Even if you try, you won’t be able to pull me out of the dark depths I have been pushed to. So just go.”
In response Raj pulled her into his arms and hugged her gently, being careful not to hurt her ribs. With his lips on her hair, he whispered, “Wherever you are, I am going to find you Naina. For now, I’ll go. Not because I want to, but because you want me to. Only for now…not forever. Remember that.”

He pulled back and gazed at her lovingly, before dipping his head and capturing her lips in the sweetest kiss ever. Before Naina could comprehend this sudden act of intimacy, Raj got up and walked away.
He heard her stifle a sob but didn’t look back. He needed to do this for her…this loss of a moment for the gain of an eternity. She needed to see this. She needed to see him leave her when she asked him to, and yet come back to her again…and again…and again. For her.
***********************************

To be continued………


Tuesday 4 February 2014

Whispers of Spring.....Chapter 19



Chapter 19


Dr Amar Raina was a longtime friend of Raj. They had trekked together many times in the mountains when Raj would come for his vacations. He had recently shifted back to his hometown after a stint in a hospital in London. His son had taken admission in Naina’s school, so he knew Naina well. He nodded at Raj and smiled gently as he took Naina’s wrist, “How are you feeling Mrs Bhatia?”
Naina grimaced painfully, “Fine, I guess. Though, I ache all over, mostly in my ch…chest. Every breath is a pain.” She felt Raj’s hand on her head, his thumb softly caressing her temple down her cheek. Her eyes stung but she refused to look at him.

Dr Amar left her wrist and picked up her chart, writing something before looking up, “That’s because of the ribs.” He sat down on the bedside chair before looking grimly at Naina who waited for the verdict, “Ma’am, you have a couple of broken ribs and many bruised ones.”
“Yes. I guessed as much. He kicked me…quite a number of times.”
“You also have a concussion and a sprained left wrist.”

As he hesitated, Naina asked, “Go on doctor, what else? Tell me all…the unadulterated version. Don’t worry about how I’ll take it. I have experienced worse injuries than these.” She felt rather than heard a sharp intake of breath above her as Raj’s thumb paused a beat before resuming its soothing motion.

Amar glanced at Raj and noted his friend’s clinched jaw and controlled anger reflected on the clenched fist that was almost white as it rested on the bedpost. The minute he had seen Raj’s traumatized state the previous night he had understood what this lady meant to him. He had silently blessed Naina for making Raj find himself and be open about his feelings. Ever since he had known Raj, there was always a part of him that was shadowed and closeted…a part where he never let anyone in. Not anymore. His caged heart seemed to have found its key in Naina. Last night he had a had a long conversation with his friend, in which Raj had all but bared his heart. He had not budged from Naina’s side ever since she was brought in last night. Amar just hoped that she also reciprocated Raj’s feelings. He would hate to see his buddy getting hurt.

Now he raised a brow in query at Raj, who nodded to him. Amar cleared his throat, faced Naina, and laid down her injuries candidly, “Well, there is swelling and some nasty bruising on your face and multiple lacerations on your legs, feet, arms, and body. Thankfully, apart from the ribs nothing else is broken. The X-rays and CT scan are clean. All you have to do is take plenty of rest, get those wounds taken care of, and take the medicines regularly. I am prescribing you painkillers for the ribs. Feel free to breathe deeply and cough if you want to…Don’t hold back. The medicines will ease out your pain, and the ribs should heal in a few weeks….so will all the cuts and bruises.  The only hitch with broken ribs is that one is at high risk for pneumonia. Stay warm. If you feel feverish or experience weakness and tizzy spells, call me. The swellings will be down in a couple of days.”

Naina lifted her hand to check her face and winced as a sharp pain shot through her chest due to the sudden motion. Raj immediately dropped down beside her and stopped her exploring hand. He turned her face gently and forced her to look at him. Their gazes met and locked. The depth of love in his eyes sucked her in as he whispered, unmindful of his friend, “Don’t. Nothing has changed. You have no idea how incredibly beautiful you are, sweetheart.”

Naina tried to roll her eyes but ended up flinching, “Don’t patronize me, Raj. I know how I must look after the way he hit me.”
Raj brought her fingers to his lips, “Please don’t. I am so sorry. I wish I could have prevented this. Dammit, I should have been there. I should have preempted his move and sensed that the fire was a tactical ploy.”

Naina stared at him as a single tear rolled down his left cheek. That single tear did her in and she had a complete meltdown of her resolve. She was already guilty of blocking him from her heart and hurting him, but she would fry in hell if she allowed him to feel guilty of something he could not have prevented. She reached out her hand and wiped it away, lifting her lips in a bid to smile and lighten the mood, “Now that’s surely a first one for me…a soldier who cries. Don’t let Adi see you like this, Colonel. He will never forgive me for making his soldier hero cry.”
His eyes red due to a sleepless night and stress, Raj blinked at her unexpected teasing, and slowly smiled, “Who says soldiers don’t cry? Mind what you say, Ma’am. I can sue you for being sexist.”
He grinned even as Amar chuckled aloud before getting up, “I am with you on that pal. I’ll testify if required.”
“Bah! What’s this? Display of buddy bonding? You scratch my back and I scratch yours!”
Amar laughed, “Beware my friend! The lady is spirited.” Then sobering down, he said, “I salute you Ma’am. Not many women…hell, not many men could have done what you did last night. I am so happy that my son is under your tutelage. And now, I have to go. Anything else you want to know?”
“Naina. Please call me Naina. Just one thing. My head feels as if a ton of bricks are resting on it.”
“That’s because of the sedatives. You must sleep now. And oh! The police were here for your statement. I told them to come later in the evening. OK?” He smiled before rushing off.
“He is a good doctor.” Naina said drowsily.
“He is a good friend.” Raj got up and sat on the chair Amar had vacated. He held her hand, rubbing her wrist just where the crepe bandage ended.
“Go home Raj.”
 “No chance. Sleep Naina. I am not going anywhere.”
He thought she was drifting off when she spoke.
“Raj.” Her eyes fluttered as they got heavy.
“Hmm!”
“When the children come, don’t let them inside the room.”
“Why?”
“Tanu will get scared if she sees my face.”
“She won’t. She has already been here and has kissed you.”
“What?” She pried her eyes open with difficulty, “She was not upset?”
“Initially she was. I told her that you fell down when the bad man was chasing you. Adi did the rest. He picked her hand and made her stroke your face and kiss you, telling her that if she did that often, your hurt will go away faster. She must have done that four to five times before they left.”
“Adi did that?” Her eyes spilled over.
Raj leaned forward and wiped her cheeks, “Don’t cry, sweetheart. You should be proud of him. That’s one hell of a boy we have there. He was so poised, proud, and controlled, all the time talking with beeji and nanisa, and playing with Tanu, keeping them busy and distracted. He cried only once, when he saw you last night. He has been OK after that.”
“I am guessing you have something to do with him calming down.”
“Well! I had a man-to-man talk with him on our way to the hospital. That’s about it.”
“Mmm! Raj?”
“Sleep Naina.” He cupped her cheek.
“Yeah…just one more thing.” Her voice tapered to a slurry whisper as her eyes closed, “Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault……You saved me….My hero. I lo….” She couldn’t fight the drugs anymore and fell into a deep sleep.

Raj smiled as he caressed her face, “I love you too, my stubborn brave Naina.”
*******************************************************

Naina awoke to gentle strokes of hair. Before she opened her eyes, she knew who the hand belonged to. She would recognize the soothing, maternal touch anywhere. She fluttered open her eyes to find beeji looking at her moist eyed.
“Beeji.”
“Oh Naina! You gave us such a scare. Never do that to me again beta. I don’t know what to do without you. For a moment this old woman saw complete darkness.” Beeji sniffed lightly.
“I am fine beeji. Your love and blessings always surround me like a shield. Even God would think twice before separating me from my mother a second time,” Naina smiled. “Your daughter is a tough girl beeji. I can take a few knocks. You should not worry about me so much.”
“You cannot take that privilege from me. How are you really feeling?”
“Like I have been hit by a canon and still survived a war.”
“You have indeed won the war Naina. I am so proud of you.” She bent and kissed Naina’s forehead. Placing a hand on Naina’s heart, she said, “Now all you have to do is fight that final battle with this little thing that’s beating here. Listen to what it says. Maybe what you are thinking will happen is all your fear. Maybe your fear is completely unfounded. Have faith.”
“Beeji, what are you…” Naina’s breathing hitched as she realized what beeji meant. But then beeji didn’t know. Her chest constricted with emotional pain, which had nothing to do with the broken ribs.

The door opened bringing to a stop whatever Beeji was going to say. Raj walked in, looking fresh after having shaved and bathed and put on a fresh white shirt and jeans, “I am sorry. Did I interrupt? I’ll come later then. Naina I wanted you to know that the hospital had a call from the police station. They will be here in half an hour.”

Beeji straightened up and walked to him, “It’s OK Raj. I was about to go down and get the kids. Ranima has taken them to the park next to the children’s ward.”
“Beeji, get them after the police leave.” Naina called out.
“Raj you need to go home and rest for awhile. I’ll stay with Naina tonight.”
“Absolutely not beeji. I am fine. You have been under a lot of pressure and need a proper rest. Moreover, with Naina here, Adi needs you to be with him, even though he is being all brave.”
After beeji left, Raj moved closer, “Hey Gorgeous! Slept well?”
“Yes. Did you go home?” Raj smiled inwardly. She might be all vocal about sending him away, but her face clearly betrayed the disappointment at the thought of his leaving her.
“No, I didn’t. I freshened up here only. Nanisa brought me a change of clothes.” Then suddenly serious, he said, “I did say I won’t leave. There’s no other place I want to be.”

Naina’s eyes clouded over and she shook her head, “This cannot carry on Raj. I respect your feelings for me. I value your friendship so much that I cannot even begin to quantify it. I won’t risk it by giving you false hopes. You need to step back. I wish I could love you back. But I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Same thing.”
“No Naina. It’s not the same thing. Do you know what nanisa told me the other day?”
“What?”

He bent down and kissed her forehead before sitting down. It took every ounce of self-control for Naina not to throw herself into his arms and cling to him, feeling his arms around her, making all those memories go away. She knew she needed to discourage him when he kissed her or held her hand, as he did now, but she savored this touch knowing she would not have even this for long. Maybe a few minutes more…just a few.   

Her eyes took him in greedily as he spoke, his eyes on her…always on her, “Nanisa has a pulse on my emotions where you are concerned. A few days back she came to me after dinner. We were chatting when she said, “Raj, a lot of good things happen to us in this life, of which very few are what we call the best things. And the best things in life are worth the risk. Finding your true love and your soul mate is one such thing that is worth fighting for. Are you likely to get hurt? Sure. Are you scared to take the plunge, fearing you will break into pieces when you hit the ground?  Absolutely. Yet, let me tell you something Raj: You still take that fall, because you believe. Within you somewhere you hold the belief that before you hit the ground you will fly.” ”
“I don’t understand.” Naina frowned. Where was this going?
“Even I didn’t get her initially. But when she explained, I realized she was spot on.” He played with her fingers while speaking, “Naina, you remember that day when we went to the zoo, we saw this baby parrot being pushed out of the nest by its mother?”
“Yes, that was so it could fly. The mother birds often have to do that.”
“Right. Sometimes we are like those baby birds…afraid to risk a flight because we are scared of falling. But then those birds almost always find their wings and fly before hitting the ground. We will fly too, sweetheart. We should not be scared to take the plunge. Sometimes taking the risk begets the greatest reward.”

Naina’s eyes welled up. He had such faith that “they” will happen. It broke her to see him so buoyant about their future, “Raj, don’t waste your emotions on me. They are too precious.”
He turned her hand and dropped a kiss on her palm, “Sooner than later you will fly my sweet, I promise you. Just let go. I won’t let you fall.”
Naina stared at him…saw the love in his eyes and felt it in her heart. This wonderful man…who had captured her soul and her very being. She didn’t deserve him….No, he deserved someone who was not contaminated by her past….who didn’t carry a baggage of images that were hard to erase. They will hover over him like a dark cloud till one day he would stifle and break through to reach for a little sunlight. He would be revolted. He would leave. She was that sure.

He saw the doubts gathering in her expression, and said, “Don’t think too much, Naina. Accepting love is often scarier and more threatening than giving it is. Whatever is stopping you will cease to exist when you realize that what is between us is far more potent and pure than our fears. This connection will inspire us to become more fully who we are. It will happen Naina…as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow. Just have faith. I shall wait for that day. And yes, one more thing.”
 “What?” She whispered, his words resonating in her heart and mind.
“I love you,” He smiled brightly, and her world burst into colors. She couldn’t help but feel the warm glow of his positivity and was beginning to smile back when there was a knock. Amar came in with two policemen.
****************************************************

The police officers looked too stiff and intimidating to Naina in her vulnerable condition. They stood staring at her for awhile, as Amar instructed the peons to arrange chairs for them. Raj had helped her sit up after arranging pillows behind her. One policeman had absolutely no expression on his face and had cold, icy eyes, which he directed at her; the other had a habit of shifting his eyes all the time, first on her, then at Raj, then at Amar. Naina immediately dubbed them Icicle and Shifty. After taking her statement, they said they have to put few questions to her. Naina nodded and submitted to their questioning.
“What was your relationship with the deceased?”  Icicle queried.
“I was married to him seven years back. I was his second wife.”
“When did you last see him?”
Naina gaped at him. Was he serious? “Last night, of course.”
“What Sir meant was before last night.” It was Shifty.
“Then be specific please. I saw him after seven years.”
“Did he molest you, ma’am?” Icicle’s tone never changed.
“What the hell? What kind of question is that?” Raj was furious and had jumped up from his chair.
“It’s a pertinent question Sir, given her apparent injuries.”
“You people forget I was there. And I have already given my statement.  Nothing of that sort happened.”
“But you reached there after a few minutes Sir. Anything could have…”
“No.”  Shifty stopped as all eyes turned to Naina. “No, I was not molested. I was not raped. I was not sexually harassed. I was only beaten like an animal.”
Amar stepped in beside Naina on the other side, “I can confirm that. Anything else? My patient needs rest.”
Icicle looked at Shifty, “Did you take it down? She was not raped.” Shifty nodded and scribbled on his pad. By this time Naina was livid. They looked as if everything else she went through was less in suffering quotient just because her body was not sexually violated.
“If you are done, please leave.” Raj had had enough of the two. He slipped in his hand into Naina’s. Shifty raised his brow. Raj stared right back.
“Just a moment Sir. We are only doing our job. I still have a couple of questions left.” Icicle said without looking at Raj.
Raj nodded, “Keep them short.”
Icicle turned to Naina, “If you were estranged, what did he want from you so urgently that he was ready to kill for it.”
“He wanted to take my son away from me.”
“His son, you mean.”
That did it. Naina’s eyes blazed, “Are you deaf? I said My Son. That man was not the father.”
“But why would he want to take your son if he was also not his son?”
“You are the detectives, right? Go do some detecting of your own. I shot that monster in self-defence, and I don’t regret it.”
“Is that all, Ma’am?”
Naina gripped Raj’s hand tightly before saying in a saccharine-sweet tone, “Well, let’s see. I was slapped, punched, shoved, dragged, pushed, kicked, and almost beheaded. I guess that just about covers the whole incident. Good day Gentlemen! I would have loved to say it was nice meeting you, but I’d be lying.”
Shifty shifted his eyes to his pad. Icicle cleared his throat, “We are just doing our duty, Ma’am. Didn’t mean any offense.”
Naina sighed, “Yes. I know.”
Amar showed them the door, “No more questions officers. You have agitated my patient enough. She needs rest.”
Amar closed the door and whistled, “Whoa! What a pair of idiots. I am going to have a talk with the Commissioner. No way am I going to allow such badgering of my patients by the police department.”
“They were irritating chauvinists. How come the forces have such biased people like Icicle and Shifty?” Naina huffed .
“Icicle and Shifty?” Both parroted in unison as they stared at her.
Naina looked sheepish, “Yeah, that’s what came into my mind as I saw them.” She smiled as Raj and Amar guffawed.
Amar looked at Naina with admiration, “You handled them well, Naina.”
Raj smiled, “That’s my girl. Those jokers didn’t know what hit them in the end. I am with you in that talk with the Commissioner, Amar.”
Just then the door burst open and Adi and Tanu burst in. Beeji was right behind with nanisa, “Slow down you two. You shouldn't run in a hospital.”

As Raj watched Adi hug Naina gently mindful of her injury, followed by Tanu who stroked Naina’s face and gingerly planted two pecks on her cheeks, he felt a tug. It was Amar, who was signaling Raj to follow him out.
In the corridor, Raj turned, “What is it Amar?”
Amar looked speculative, “Raj, I was watching the monitors when the police questioned Naina regarding Adi. Her BP shot up like crazy.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean Naina was visibly agitated over that line of query, but she was definitely more shaken within. That question shook her.”
“It’s understandable. Naina was always scared that Manmeet will stake a claim over Adi, and she may lose him.”
“Maybe. Nonetheless, call it a doctor’s instinct. Naina is hiding something that is causing her grave mental anguish.”
Raj looked over at the end of the corridor for a few seconds and then back at Amar, “Naina has been seeing a visiting psychiatrist here, Dr Sujata Sinha. Do you think I should talk to her?”
“I think you should. She is due here in a couple of days. I’ll set up an appointment for you. Naina’s good mental condition is imperative for a speedy physical recovery.” Amar stepped up and gave Raj a quick hug, “I have to go. You stay with her. She needs you.”
“Not as much as I need her.” Raj whispered to himself as he saw Amar stride away.
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To be continued………..